In the Zone: Just Say NO

Is your stress level rising as shopping and preparation time diminishes? Are you the first person family, friends and co-workers turn to when they need a favor?

If you said “yes” to either question, social psychologist and best-selling author Susan Newman recommends another word—“No”—in her book, THE BOOK OF NO: 250 WAYS TO SAY IT—AND MEAN IT AND STOP PEOPLE-PLEASING FOREVER (McGraw-Hill; 2006).

THE 3 BIGGEST HOLIDAY STRESSORS—unending to-do lists, bickering relatives, too many places to go—are golden opportunities to start flexing your “no” muscle. Here, TEN TIPS to sidestep holiday stress:

1. When approached with a request, pause to analyze what is really being asked.
2. If you decide to say “yes” to something, be very specific about the amount of time you have to devote to the task.
3. Allow other people to take control so you have less to do.
4. Don’t be wishy-washy about decisions that involve changes to expected rituals.
5. Decline some invitations if you can’t fit in everyone and everything. Plan a less pressured time to visit.
6. Say “I will not give in” (to yourself) to help you stick to your decisions.
7. The word “no” said politely is enough to convey your message. The fewer excuses you make, the stronger the message.
8. Alter a request to make it more manageable.
9. Lower your expectations especially if you are hosting the festivities.
10. Don’t fret over the consequences of your “no.” In general, people don’t think about you as much as you worry about what they think. While you’re feeling guilty, they are busy finding someone else to do the job.

You can say “no” and still remain a caring, committed person because you will have time and energy for the people you care about the most. For more information, visit www.thebookofno.com .